lunes 26 de enero de 2009

varias cosas divertidas

NO ES LO MISMO un metro de encaje negro que un negro te encaje un metro
NO ES LO MISMO Hacerlo a baño de María que hacérselo a María en el baño
NO ES LO MISMO El cura Melchor lo hizo que cúrame el chorizo
NO ES LO MISMO Juan Montenegro que te monte el negro Juan
NO ES LO MISMO Blancas bolas de nieve que Blanca Nieves en bolas
NO ES LO MISMO Que un negro llegue primero a la meta que te la meta el primer negro que llegue
NO ES LO MISMO La verdura que verla dura
NO ES LO MISMO Una culebrilla negra que una negra que le brilla el culo
NO ES LO MISMO Dos tazas de te que dos tetazas
NO ES LO MISMO Paquita vete arriba y pon al fresco este besugo que Paquita vete arriba y ponte fresca que ya subo
NO ES LO MISMO una bola negra que una negra en bolas
NO ES LO MISMO un gato montes que te monte un gato
NO ES LO MISMO estar jodido que estar jodiendo
NO ES LO MISMO Las ruinas de Machu Pichu que venga un Macho te meta el Pichu y te deje en ruinas
NO ES LO MISMO meter la bola negra 8 que te la metan 8 negros en bolas
NO ES LO MISMO los montes de Tapachula que tápate los montes chula
NO ES LO MISMO el Consulado General de Chile que el general con su chile de lado
NO ES LO MISMO huele a traste que atrás te huele
NO ES LO MISMO Emeterio Saturnino Zacarias y Fajardo que meterlo sacarlo sacudirlo y guardarlo
NO ES LO MISMO huevos a la besamel que besame los huevos
NO ES LO MISMO Subir al pináculo de una montaña que subir la montaña con un pino en el culo

No es lo mismo Mentasilicato de Potasio que Métase un Alicate por el Culo despacio

EL PLACER DE CAGAR ........

> de los Placeres sin pecar,
> el más dulce es el cagar.
> Con un periódico extendido
> y un cigarrillo encendido
> queda el culo complacido y la mierda en su lugar.
>
> Cagar es un placer;
> de cagar nadie se escapa,
> caga el rey, caga el papa, caga el buey, caga la vaca,
> y hasta la señorita más guapa hace sus bolitas de caca.
> Viene el perro y lo huele,
> viene el gato y lo tapa.
>
> Total, en este mundo de caca
> de cagar nadie se escapa.
> Que triste es amar sin ser amado,
> pero más triste es cagar sin haber almorzado.
>
> Hay cacas blancas por hepatitis,
> las hay blandas por gastritis.
>
> Cualquiera que sea la causa que siempre te alcanza,
> aprieta las piernas duro que cuando el trozo es seguro,
> aunque esté bien fruncido el culo
> sera por lo menos, ¡¡pedo seguro!!
> No hay placer más exquisito,
> que cagar bien despacito.
>
> El baño no es tobogán ni tampoco subibaja.
> El baño es para cagar
> y no pa' hacerse una paja.
>
> Los escritores de baño
> son poetas de ocasión
> que buscan entre la mierda
> su fuente de inspiración.
>
> Vos que os creéis sagaz y de todo os reís,
> decidme si sois capaz de cagar y no hacer pis.
> En este lugar sagrado, adonde tanta gente acude,
> la chica se pasa el dedo y el tipo se lo sacude.
> Caga tranquilo, caga sin pena,
> pero no se te olvide tirar de la cadena.
>
> El tipo que aquí se sienta y de escribir versos se acuerda,
> ¡no me vengan a decir que no es un poeta de mierda!
> En este lugar sagrado donde acude tanta gente,
> hace fuerza el más cobarde y se caga el más valiente.

INESTABLE : Mesa norteamericana de Ines.

ENVERGADURA : Lugar de la anatomía humana donde se colocan los condones.

ONDEANDO : Onde estoy.

CAMARÓN : Aparato enorme que saca fotos.

DECIMAL : Pronunciar equivocadamente.

BECERRO : Que ve u observa una loma o colina.

BERMUDAS : Observar a las que no hablan.

TELEPATÍA : Aparato de TV para la hermana de mi mamá.

TELÓN : Tela de 50 metros … o más.

ANÓMALO : Hemorroides.

BERRO : Bastor Alebán.

BARBARISMO : Colección exagerada de muñecas barbie.

POLINESIA : Mujer Policía que no entiende razones.

CHINCHILLA : Auchenchia de un lugar para chentarche.

DIADEMAS : Veintinueve de febrero.

DILEMAS : Háblale más.

MANIFIESTA : Juerga de cacahuetes.

MEOLLO : Me escucho.

TOTOPO : Mamamífero ciciego dede pepelo nenegro que cocome frifrijoles.

ATIBORRARTE : Desaparecerte.

CACAREO : Excremento del preso.

CACHIVACHE : Pequeño hoyo en el pavimento que está a punto de convertirse en vache.

ELECCIÓN : Lo que expelimenta un chino al vel una película polno.

ENDOSCOPIO : Me preparo para todos los exámenes excepto para dos.

NITRATO : Ni lo intento.

NUEVAMENTE : Cerebro sin usar.

TALENTO : No ta rápido.

ESGUINCE : Uno más gatorce.

ESMALTE : Ni lune ni miélcole.

SORPRENDIDA : Monja en llamas

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Playing bingo needs more than luck or skills and techniques, contrary to what most believe. Bingo, just like any game of chance, comes with rules and regulations that players should observe. Being a player comes with responsibilities and etiquette.

Winning the Game

The moment you figured out you won, you must immediately yell BINGO, and it should be loud enough for the floor walker to hear. The pot money shall be given to the winner once their winning card is confirmed. Well, in winning or once you know you just won, the most important thing is that you shout the winning word BEFORE the time elapses. If the game proceeds and the next number is mentioned and you failed to shout "Bingo", your winning card is disqualified. Therefore, this is the rule you must know.

There may be cases when there are two winners, and in this case the pot money shall be divided equally among the winners. Supposing there are two winning cards, the two winners will share half the prize money.

Bingo Game Rules

Bingo rules are basically the same no matter in which Online Bingo hall you play. But still it's good if you know these rules by heart. If it is your first try, then ask for handouts and inquire from pros regarding the game rules. Nonetheless, the ideal thing to do if you have questions is to ask the floor walker and not the person seated beside you. You should clarify things and doubts before the game starts because asking too many questions as the game proceeds could well distract you. This guideline also applies to those who are newcomers at casinos, those who play roulette for the first time.

Bingo halls demand an age limit of 18 years old. If you are below this age, you are prohibited to play. Some bingo houses ban alcohol inside, so players aren't supposed to take liquor nor drink it inside the venue. Smoking may also be restricted inside the venue, as there are designated smoking sections.

Take note that some Bingo houses don't allow food but some do, so it basically depends on the venue. Policies vary among different venues. For instance, some bingo halls allow reservation of cards, while others don't allow it. Some allow people to leave the venue in the middle of the game, others forbid it. But there are general policies observed in all bingo houses, such as disqualification of tampered bingo cards. There is no way you can get away with a tampered card because the walkers are adept at identifying authentic cards from tampered ones. You could be banned from a bingo establishment if proven liable of tampering a card. Hence, you should play honestly.

Interestingly, some venues offer special bingo games for kids although some halls don't allow players to have companions while playing. Suppose you bring kids with you, don't let them run around the venue and bother other gamers. They should behave well whilst you play and the game proceeds. Play quietly and don't recite the numbers you desperately want to come off because you'll be much of a disturbance if you do. Decorous playing is expectant of all players, even those who play roulette at casinos. Also, having a valid identification is important because you don't know you might win and need to present credentials.

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